sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Randomize
