two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
