I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
