another moral hangover. fuck.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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