After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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