I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You ruined the universe
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
