Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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