He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Is it because I queefed?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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