we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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