I can tuck mytits in my pants
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
