will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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