she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
