I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
soo... how was my night?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
