It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
