Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
