I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
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