So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
