my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
