I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
