so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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