OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
