I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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