the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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