I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
high people should be assigned attendants
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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