I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
