Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
