im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
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