Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
