I wish I could teleport
Will you blow on my dice?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
that is very illegal...i love you.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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