literally had 100 drinks last night.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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