so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
