i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
