just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
