I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
