Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
