I think my fart just growled at me.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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