Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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