she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
