but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
