he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
