38 yer olds are good kisserssss
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
