there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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