Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
