So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize