you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
