Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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