I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
