I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Operation Purity has been aborted
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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