I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize