Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
