so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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