How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
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Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
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Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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