Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
