PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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