I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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