My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
