Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
