yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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