sorry about calling you the devil all night.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
