I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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