so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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