Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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