Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
