That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You've changed since you got that strap on
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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