I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I AM VODKA MAN
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
