We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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