Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
