Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
