I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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